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Tuesday, April 18, 2006]
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Don't know why I'm feeling lonely out of a sudden. Maybe its the korean drama marathon I'm holding right now...too much love in it that its making me feel sick. Oh well, and with internet at home I get to chat with my s'pore friends more often. Guess that is also making me homesick, or more like friend-sick. I'm turning mad, halfway thru dinner I actually wanted to run to the airport and catch the next flight back to s'pore. Not that I love s'pore that much but I just feel so lonely now. Haiz, and its the hols now so life seems so mundane. Wake up super early just to go to work in the cold, then no breaks for 8hrs straight standing. Go home and watch my vcds. Life doesn't seem very exciting right now.
I remember how I used to seek adventures when I first came here. Now I just can't afford that time anymore. I have essays to hand in, tests, work and cooking to do.
And the most important thing is what my purpose in life is?
I always had a dream. A beautiful dream.
But now my dream might NEVER come true. God what do you really intend for me to do? I'm really very very tired being turned in circles. As much as I want to trust in your wisdom and power, my mixed-up life is not really reflecting too well on your planning.
I once had a desire to be this really really wonderful doctor, going all over the world to treat the poor. Now, just the word "medicine" sends a knife thru my heart. I can't even begin to dream anymore. Sometimes it hurts so much I just want to cry and have someone to hug. But who or what can I hug? I'm really tired acting strong and brave. God, please save me!
One must desire something to be alive.Am I a living dead?
wished upon the wishing tree at 10:27 PM
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